Quote-o-rama: Tick

The Tick

Mostly from the TV show, eventually more from the books.

"I-I-I just, uh, I just uh, wanted to use the uh, heh, ah- AND SO HE SAYS,
 I... I... uh, just wanted to, uh, wash my hands."
					-The Mad Midnight Bomber 
					What Bombs at Midnight

"Excuse me, excuse me... and then I says, tell me I'm wrong! and he says,
 'I can't, baby, 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT!'"
					-The Mad Midnight Bomber 
					What Bombs at Midnight

"And so he says, 'I don't like the cut of your jib.' And I go I says, IT'S
					-The Mad Midnight Bomber 
					 What Bombs at Midnight

The Tick: "I've had enough chasing; it's your turn now, forest-smog!"
Thrakazog: "Thrakazog! Thrakazog! With a 'K'! Boy, are you ever rude."
The Tick: "No brains today; we're only serving humble-pie, Whatchamazog!"
Thrakazog: "Listen buddy, for the last time it's..."
The Tick: "Four ax in a bog?"
Thrakazog: "Thrakkorzog!"
The Tick: "Ah, laxitive-log!"
Thrakazog: "No no no!"
The Tick: "Lap lands a zog?"
Thrakazog: "No!"
The Tick: "Two laplanders and a dog?"
Thrakazog: "Thrak!"
The Tick: "Sapsuckafrog!"
Thrakazog: "No no no!"
The Tick: "...Susan?"
Thrakazog: "Oh, now you're doing it on purpose; how juvenile!"

"Yes, my slimey friend, once again, slime does not pay! You can't just 
 coat yourself with artificial mucous and slip through the long fingers of
 the law. It's wrong - and it's gross!"
                                                -the Tick

"Poppa's got a brand-new bag... of fish!"
"Fashion victims! You've crashed the wrong party!"
"What good is science if no one gets hurt?"
"I'm taking off the kid gloves, and putting on the very mad gloves!"
"I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."
                                                -the Tick

"Ottoman! They'll be no Justice of the Peace for you, just a big piece of
                                                -the Tick

"The streets will run red with Santas!"
                                                -Multiple Santa,
                                                _The Tick Loves Santa!_

"Deadly Bulb! I'm about to write you a reality check! Or would you prefer 
 the cold, hard cash of truth?"
                                                -the Tick

"You know why super villains are so unhappy, Arthur? They don't treasure
the little things."
                                                -the Tick

"Like a great blue salmon of Justice, the mighty Tick courses upstream to
 the very spawning ground of evil."
						-the Tick

"Lowly wretch! This is the last time you make epic naughty in Santa
                                                -the Tick

"Nobody mucks around with the Tick's bodily membranes! Prepare for swift
                                                -the Tick

"I'll show you the kind of science you can't find in a textbook."
                                                -Dinosaur Neil

"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get
 is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh,
 oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!"
                                                -the Tick

"Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even
 yesterday. But once! Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our
 us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of
 hope! And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make
 an interception!"
                                                -the Tick

"You know, Arthur, it's really been quite a day. On the outside, oh, sure,
 we were pursued by Swiss Industrial Spies, trapped in the belly of a
 whale. But what really pursued us? Where were we really trapped? C'mon,
 Arthur! Get meta with me! What pursued us were our own obsessions.  I'm
 good, you're evil. I'm a superhero, you're a sidekick. I'm a woman,
 you're a man. What does it all mean?! Nothing! And where were we all
 trapped? I'll tell you where, Arthur! In the belly of Love -- Love, Chum,
                                                -the Tick

"He's nigh invulnerable, he'll be ok."

"Well, once again, my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. 
 One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences...
 But the other head of science is bad! Oh, beware the other head of
 science, Arthur! It bites!"
                                                -the Tick

"You know, Arthur, when you spend two months riding around on a really
 big man, you start to learn a few things about yourself. You learn that
 it is a really great thing to stay on Earth and live in a place that has
 no arms or legs of its own. And most importantly, Arthur, you learn how
 to close your eyes and tell yourself that this just isn't happening to
                                                -the Tick

"You know, though today was the worst day of my life, I learned many
 things. First, the world looks a lot different when you're six inches
 tall and covered with feathers. Second, two heads are definitely not
 better than one. And finally, you can lay eggs and still feel like a
                                                -the Tick

"Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it's up to me
 to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to
 pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you
 don't fight destiny! No sir! And, you don't eat crackers in the bed of 
 your future, or you get all... scratchy."
                                                -the Tick

"You're not mad scientists, you're a bunch of hippies!"
                                                -the Tick

"Oh, look, Arthur, it's a completely rehabilitated villain. She's
 comfortable with herself. Comfort, commitment, marriage, what do these
 things have in common? The letter 'C' except for marriage, and if people
 get all British whenever they get knocked on the head, what do British
 people get? I know... comatose! Another 'C'."
                                                -the Tick

"We're sworn to protect The City. And we're just going to have to face
 it: that includes the sewers."
                                                -the Tick

"You know, gang, when you're a superhero, you never know where the day
 will take you. You may find yourself halfway around the world in the
 shark-infested waters of true-to-life living. Or you may find yourself
 going down to the store for a lozenge. You can't know, can you? No! You
 gotta ride that wave, you gotta suck that lozenge! 'Cause if you don't,
 who will?!"
                                                -the Tick

"Man, those are big pants."
"Zee largest Trousers in zee world!"
					_The Tick vs. Dinosaur Neil_

"Don't make us bite you in hard-to-reach places!"
"Space aliens have neat stuff! Their space cookies are good, too!"
"My mind has always been my Achilles heel."
"Yeah, well, don't count your weasels before they pop, dink!"
"Whoa-oh! Surprise hug from Mr. Freaky-Big!"
"You're not going crazy! You're going sane in a crazy world!"
"Oh, science... boring... interest... fading..."
"Evil-doers! Eat my justice!"
"Fireworks? Extinction? Keen!"
"Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she's pushing!"
"Their Achilles' heel is the noogie!"
"Oh, what a goofy work is man!"
"Apparently, angry clowns _do_ charge."
"Man! Today is so loopy!"
"Well, once again we find that clowning and anarchy don't mix."
"Not baked goods, Professor; baked bads!"
"Well, I'll try anything once."
"Gravity is a harsh mistress."
"Honk if you love justice!"
						-the Tick

"You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph 
 Stalin. But, you can't let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just
 plain bad! You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper
 of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!"
						-the Tick

"Well, folks, there you have it. A day in the life of a superhero and his
 sidekick. It's a very long day, the tights are uncomfortable; I think we
 covered that before. Map light, convenient and essential. A lot of
 working of villain motifs. Crime has a Bossa Nova beat. Leap before you
 look. Remeber denouement. Other French words: inconvenient,
 nonessential... oh... I could go on and on... But time's a-wasting and
 evil's out there making hand-crafted mischief for the swap meet of
 villainy. And you can't strike a good deal with evil. No matter how much
 you haggle! We don't need to look for a bargain; goodness is cheap
 because it's free, and free is as cheap as it gets. Cut! What was that
 pig about?!"
                                                -the Tick

Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (paul@otd.com)
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