Scorched Earth Party
A fine and upstanding example of why our political system is the best around. People like me can legitimately sign up as Scorched Earth party members and walk around free in society. Their webpage tends to disappear at irregular intervals.
"Harsh solutions to non-existant problems." "Scorched Earth Party: One sentence solutions for difficult problems." "Because actions need consequences. LOTS and LOTS of consequences." "Scorched Earth Party: Because 130 years between civil wars is far too fucking long." "The last true hope for an unpleasantly peaceful population." "We keep a list of our friends. We also keep a list of our enemies. They are long lists. And we only occasionally get them mixed up." "You wanna' riot, we'll give you something to riot about." "Yes. It is a brave new future that awaits us. All it needs, is someone to stand tall, stride forward, and hack out a piece of it." "Scorched Earth Party: Seeing the world through blood-colored glasses." "Downers in school lunches is an idea whose time has come. Driven nuts by hordes of hyper kiddies rampagins across the playground during the lunch break? A little creative cooking, and they'll just be lying moistly on the hot asphault, twitching slightly, like a horde of giant, Keds-wearing maggots." "Scorched Earth Party: Because there is no problem in this world so intractable or complicated that it cannot be solved by killing anyone even remotely connected to it." "I know there is a small chance that you, the reader, do not agree with these sentiments. But that's OK, because I'm going to take over the world someday, and you're not." "Scorched Earth Party: Because Lead Pipe and Love both begin with the letter L. Think about it, won't you?" "All political parties want your vote. But only the Scorched Earth Party wants it badly enough to kill you." "Scorched Earth Party: It will be expensive. It will be difficult. It will be tampering in God's domain. But the government does that all the time, and the results have never and will never be as cool as 500 mile an hour flying killer fetuses." "Rights are a privledge, not a right." "There are a lot of people who should be shot in the head." "Scorched Earth Party: We're so pro-abortion, we'll ram the fetuses back up there and PULL THEM OUT AGAIN!" "Yeah, me too. It's time for wholesale slaughter of Asian pop stars. Any maker of Anime that doesn't have really explicit sex and violence can go too." "Scorched Earth Party: Rarely has the phrase 'Beat to death with a lead pipe' been so soothing." "Scorched Earth Party: Working for a Different Tomorrow." "Well, that covers it for now. You may all rest assured that the Scorched Earth Party's fling with Political Incorrectness is over, and we have returned to a more intolerant, racially inclusive way of being." "The Scorched Earth Party: Fighting for a different America." "Scorched Earth Party: Because the fence in front of the White House would look much, much better with a few heads impaled on it." "Scorched Earth Party: Remember - an invasion is just our way of saying 'I love you.'" "We plan to do for politics what Bill Gates did for the computing industry." "Vote Scorched Earth in November - The Senate will be 55 democrats, 44 republicans, and one Scorched Earther. The first two will have numbers. The last will have a flamethrower. C-Span ratings will be truly unbelievable."
Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (email@example.com)
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