Article 2889 of alt.tv.mst3k:
From: corleyj@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (Jason D Corley )
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: Rock Climbing FAQ
Date: 11 Nov 92 00:44:50 GMT

Yuma Hall MSTies speak:

The Rock Climbing FAQ is here!  We watched "Lost Continent"
last night and believe me it was difficult to bring you
these answers.  It was done at the risk of life, limb and
sanity.

We're fairly certain of the answers, although we think we
might have blacked out at some point (that's OK, we think
the director must have, too.)

1.  What is "Rock Climbing"?

Answer #1: An especially dull and pointless sequence in the film
	   "Lost Continent".
Answer #2: A perfect example of the lack of "time compression through 
	   editing" that, according to J. Robinson, is a staple of
	   Lippert's cinematic creations.
Answer #3: A really long series of scenes involving 6 men climbing
	   a mountain that appears to be the same set over and over
	   again from marginally different camera angles.  Of course,
	  we have to watch each man attempt each angle, (which, remember
	   we are supposed to believe are different cliffs), INDIVIDUALLY,
	   ONE AT A TIME, FOR LONGER THAN THE HUMAN MIND CAN WITHSTAND.
Answer #4: A really horrid experiment in behaviour modification by
	   Dr. C. Forrester assisted by Tv's Frank.  ("I think...you're
	   going...to die, Joel!")

2.  So how long is "Rock Climbing", anyway?

From beginning to end, not counting the scene in which our
intrepid heroes stop for the night in a cave halfway up the
same set...er...hill...um....mountain, but INCLUDING a
requisite Lippert 15-mimute break (Not actually 15 minutes
but a remarkable simulation)("Keep the cameras rolling.")
"Rock Climbing" extends across 16 minutes and 17 seconds
of completely wasted film.
Please note that it seems to take MUCH LONGER due to the complete
absence of any action, suspense, or remotely interesting
material.

3.  Exactly what happens during "Rock Climbing"?

Answer #1: Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Nothing that you would
	   care about, at least.

Answer #2:  OK, here's a rundown of what happens from the
	    very outset of the "Rock Climbing" sequence,
	    when our intrepid band of white male explorers
	    (with the mandatory guns to shoot things they
	    don't understand) sets out to find a rocket,
	    climbing the "sacred mountain", which is "taboo",
	    according to the native woman who "talk like jerk"
	    (according to the production of "Explorers" Joel
	    the bots and Michael Sarazin put on in the end.)

		0:00 Climbing begins.
		3:00 The Will Rogers/Bob Mapplethorpe rope trick.
		     In order to get to the same set, they must
		     throw a rope around a "wild rock" and climb
		     it, hoisting several people up by their butts.
	  	4:30 Everyone is at the top of the rope.  They take
		     a 15-minute break, keeping the cameras rolling,
		     as per Lippert's directing style.
		5:17 The 15-minute break is over, having produced
		     nothing in the way of comprehensible or
		     interesting dialogue.
		5:53 Cesar Romero encounters a cloud of poison gas.
		     Since he is in front, we can only assume that
		     the crab salad is catching up with him.
		7:04 They rest for the night.  We stop our timers
		     and take our Prozac.
		9:00 At this point, the orchaestra gives up trying
		     to make this sequence sound exciting.
		10:18 After realizing that they are paid by the hour
		      and could therefore concievably be multi-   
		      millionaires by the end of this sequence, the
		      orchaestra resumes playing.  The film is still
		      boring.
		11:40 One of the scientists falls to his death.
		      It's OK, he wasn't important enough for us to
		      get emotionally attatched to him.  In fact,
		      none of the 6 really hold our interest at this
		      point and we hope they ALL fall to their
		      horrible splattery doom and END this film AND
		      Lippert's career RIGHT HERE AND NOW.
		13:20 They reach a stunningly difficult 3 foot
		      jump.  Unfortunately, all of them make it.
		      Equally unfortunate is the amount of time
		      spent on the jump.
		15:27 Cesar announces "We've reached the top".
		      This turns out not to be the case, however,
		      because...
		16:17 ...the last guy reaches the top and there's
		      still an hour and a half of movie to sit through!
		      We stopped our timers again, checked the pulses
		      of the blessedly unconscious and made out our
		      notes on the back of our Last Will and Testament
		      which we had written immediately prior to watching
		      Cesar make his 3' jump.

4.  Do they climb back down?

Unfortunately, yes.  But the mountain blows up halfway down
so it's not as much "Rock Climbing" as it is "Rock Dodging",
although they don't do a lot of that, either, even though
desk-sized chunks of rock are actually hitting them in the
head.  Guess it doesn't hurt much after filming the climbing
sequence...

We could have timed this sequence, but were advised by
competent physicians not to risk it.  Apparently our
insurance rates would skyrocket.


And there you have it.  The "Rock Climbing" FAQ.

Compiled by:
	Jason Corley (corleyj@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
	Ryan Franklin (franklir@gas.uug.arizona.edu)
	A Woozle whose name was Peanut
	Cambot, as himself
	Michael Sarazin as Winky
	The Authors of the First Amendment, and
	Roger Corman in a stunning evening gown.